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Entered By: Paula
Entry Date: 2011-03-15 12:02:29
Subject: A Quiet Heart

While I am no Elizabeth Elliot, I do want to have a quiet heart (she wrote a book called A Quiet Heart).  It seems that daily I am given situations where I need to make a choice; to wallow in the circumstance, replaying the  situation again and again, or putting the problem in His hands and letting it not constantly stay in my conscience mind.  For me the natural is to play it again and again, letting it come to a boil!  

On Sunday Mark took the kiddos to church.  Our church is in a rough place right now, please pray.  But that is not this journal!  The mother of the newest children here came to church a little later in the service.  She wanted to hold the little 2 year old, Mizael.  He was not up for this, he is strongly attached to Kory.  The mother tried to entice him with money.  Yes, you can feel the heat in my heart! He wasn't impressed, yet she got him and held him tight.  I know I don' t know the hurt of my child wanting me.  I pray I never do.  I feel bad that it is not her pain that overwhelms me, but yet the pain of little Mizael.    The situation got uglier, she complained to church members that we are not taking good care of her children, of course they said we are, and on and on and on.  Ok, I should take that hurt straight to the Father, listen to His comfort, and leave it.  Right.  Oh so not what I did.  

Rather, I replayed it.  Again and again.  I complained.  I muttered how dare she say such things.  I demanded approval from the rest of my family here.  I compared my care to her care.  I questioned everyone as to what she said.  I probably even gave the kids an extra treat.  Can you believe?  Where was the compassion, the grace, the mercy, the love?  I had a restless night and finally got on my face the next morning.   I left the situation at the cross, I let my Father whisper to me.  Oh how I wish I had done it sooner.   

The next day the Father was talking to me about the situation some more.  Yes, I felt conviction about my lack of understanding for the mother.  But what gets me most is my lack of obedience.  I know what to do.   I know when to do it, immediately.  But I didn't obey.  Instead I got all riled up.  I reacted rather than retreat.  

So you know how to pray for me.   I want a quiet heart.  I want to trust so fully that no matter what anyone says about me, it doesn't overrule what the Father says.  I pray to do better in the next situation.



Replies to this message
re: A Quiet Heart  by Jennifer Davis on Wednesday March 16, 2011
re: A Quiet Heart  by Ken Strahan on Wednesday March 16, 2011

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