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Entered By: Paula
Entry Date: 2011-03-21 10:47:19
Subject: Sometimes I only see the underside!

"My life is but a weaving, between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily,
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside,
Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why,
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.**** Anonymous-------

A friend whose son recently went to be with Jesus posted this poem.  Isn't it so true. 

While many times I only see the underside for a while, I am so happy to declare that many more times I have seen the beautiful picture He is painting .  I am reminded of my favorite one, my little Hannah.  Hannah was born at 28 weeks due to retarded growth syndrome.  I had no amniotic fluid and she was in stress.  I had a wonderful dr. and he got me the help I needed with a high risk obstetrician.  The day the problem was discovered, Hannah was delivered.  All three pounds of her.  And we were so happy for those 3 little pounds.  She needed to grow and keep warm, so for a month she was in a little isolete and we could only hold her for 30 minutes a day.  I remember the tears like they were yesterday.  I would sit all day, right there by her little heater home.  I know the drs. and nurses thought I was overkill.  This was my first baby.  I couldn't bear to leave her, nor could Mark.  I remember thinking at the time, GOD, what are you doing???  Later we would learn.  You see, I had a brian anurysm that we didn't know about.  Just months after Hannah's birth it was found and I had surgery.  That in itself was a miracle.  But the miracle that I treausre the most is that God protected both Hannah and I.  If I had delivered Hannah (not by Csection), I would probably not have lived.  Isn't God good.  At the time all we felt was sorrow, overwhelming sorrow.  But months later we could see grace, huge amounts of grace. 

While an issue we have right now is not near as serious as my daughter's life,  I am looking to see the artwork and not the underside.   Recently we bought tickets to go back to the states as a family for a visit.  It has been a while since we did that all together.  We thought we had it all worked out, someone we trust was coming to stay.  Evidently our plan wasn't God's!   So currently we are seeking and praying about someone else to stay here while we take a visit with grandparents and friends.     Mark is willing to stay and us all go.  We don't want that.  I know God has a plan better than ours.  So we will keep praying. 



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