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Entered By: Paula
Entry Date: 2013-01-16 22:28:14
Subject: Kairos moment


This past Thursday I had a Kairos moment with God.   I had been in Tegucigalpa for the day, we had a doctors appointment for my son John. It has been a long journey trying to discover what is wrong his health and why he feels and hurts so badly.    I was driving back home, sun shining, wondering why in the world it is that I am usually in Tegucigalpa only for hard medical issues. I was thinking about Hospital Escuela and our time there with our boy Gerardo. I was thinking about my daughter, Hannah, leaving the next day to go back to university in the United States. I was thinking about John and his pain and how badly I want him to be well.   I was thinking about how dirty I felt with all the hot dust and diesel fuel of Tegucigalpa on me.  I was crying and thinking and being angry and confused and hurt. 
 And the Lord showed up. He showed me a part of my heart. He showed me my wounds from this past year and even the first days of 2013. He showed me how I was bleeding and how I wouldn’t let Him come to restore and heal that part of my heart. He showed me how I was holding that painful, bleeding wound to myself, not opening up my heart, not welcoming Him, My King, the Lifter of my head.   He showed me the wall I have built around that wound. He showed me how I don’t trust Him with the hard stuff.  I cried more. I repented. I repented of my unbelief. I repented of my anger and my pride and my self sufficiency. I repented of not believing that He loves me enough to pour His life out over my wound. I cried more.    I repented of not welcoming in the King of Glory. I repented from closing the door to Him. I cried more. I sang, I worshiped, I cried, and I listened. 
And I chose to believe that He is Holy, perfect, the lover of my soul, my King and my God. I chose to believe that everything, everything that happens He will use to mature and refine my heart. I chose to believe that He loves me, my son, and my family. I chose to believe that He is for us and not against us. I chose to believe that the hurts I have lived with will bring beautiful fruit and that I will be able to give comfort to those who hurt also.   I chose to believe that He is God enough to listen to my anger and my hurt and love me still. 
Blessings to you as you live in His presence,

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Other messages by Paula
Advent, Part 1  by Paula on Monday December 03, 2018
Tuesday September 04, 2018  by Paula on Tuesday September 04, 2018
Wednesday February 21, 2018  by Paula on Wednesday February 21, 2018
Monday February 19, 2018  by Paula on Monday February 19, 2018
Sunday February 18, 2018/Confession  by Paula on Sunday February 18, 2018
Thursday January 25, 2018  by Paula on Thursday January 25, 2018
Lenten season  by Paula on Saturday March 04, 2017
re: Justice  by Paula on Saturday March 04, 2017
A smidge of realization  by Paula on Saturday January 21, 2017
re: Tuesday January 17, 2017  by Paula on Thursday January 19, 2017

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