Read Recent Journals
Entered By: Paula
Entry Date: 2013-10-21 00:10:13
Subject: Monday October 21, 2013

One of my littles with long brown hair had been sitting with others during the service at Celebracion.  But she caught my eye and came over to sit in front of me.  She turned to me and her eyes were sad; a sad that breaks your heart. 

She curled up in my lap and and I asked if she was sad.  She said yes and I asked why.  "Because Daddy is not going to come back,"  she said.  

For a second I wondered which daddy she was talking about but knew in my heart it was Mark.  Her birth father is not "daddy" to her.  Mark is on an overnight campout with Timothy.  She had watched the preparations and knew that they wouldn't be back tonight.  But she had fear that Mark wouldn't be back; ever.  I thought back over the day; had Mark and I had an arguement?  No.  Had she gotten in trouble?  No.  Was there anything that had happened in the day that would cause her to fear?  Not that I knew of. 

For whatever reason in that moment she had fear.  Fear that she would be without a daddy.  That chokes me up.  As I thought about it tonight, my own fears came to mind.  I too have wrestled and wrestle with fears of abandonment.  Most of my life I have feared that I am not lovely enough to be loved forever; just for a time.  And those fears have hit at unpredictable times; like even when I am sitting in a room full of people that love me, just as my little Cindy was.  Even though I know what my Father has given for me, sometimes fear. 

So I pray for both Cindy and I to know the great depths of His love for us, for us to drink deep of His forever and ever love. He is faithful.  He is for the brokenhearted. 


Read Recent Journals

Other messages by Paula
Advent, Part 1  by Paula on Monday December 03, 2018
Tuesday September 04, 2018  by Paula on Tuesday September 04, 2018
Wednesday February 21, 2018  by Paula on Wednesday February 21, 2018
Monday February 19, 2018  by Paula on Monday February 19, 2018
Sunday February 18, 2018/Confession  by Paula on Sunday February 18, 2018
Thursday January 25, 2018  by Paula on Thursday January 25, 2018
Lenten season  by Paula on Saturday March 04, 2017
re: Justice  by Paula on Saturday March 04, 2017
A smidge of realization  by Paula on Saturday January 21, 2017
re: Tuesday January 17, 2017  by Paula on Thursday January 19, 2017

See other journal entries