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Entered By: Paula
Entry Date: 2015-10-07 09:08:20
Subject: Right, we have been silent.

 If you check on us through the website you have probably been wondering what in the world is going on........we haven't written, updated, or shared photos.  Maybe over time we can share what has been going on in our hearts and here at Hope Farm.  But right now, just pray for us.  We are grieving and sometimes it is hard to know how to say or even live that.  

I don't write because I don't want you to misunderstand what I am saying, thinking, or feeling, and sometimes I don't know what I am going through.  Yes, I know, I can't and shouldn't want to manage your response to me.  We are so very thrilled with our kids that are living the life that God has called them to.  Hannah is away learning, growing, enjoying, being stretched, living a dream; and we receive great joy in that.  But there is also the knowing that a page has turned.  She grew up.  She is grown up.  We are here and she is there and she is an adult there and we are adults here.  Hannah going to college wasn't near as hard for me as this new season.   

John is learning, growing, being stretched, and working towards dreams and goals.  We are so thankful that he has the opportunity to pursue what God put in his heart.  But he is doing it there and we are here.  We know that the quality of his education is so important in his field of study and we are grateful that God has given the way.  But we miss him and the boys miss him and the girls miss him.  He will visit and it is not hopeless.  

Faith is doing her semester away and though she has John there she misses home and we miss her.  She will learn, grow, be stretched, and so will we. She will come home and we will have that last bit together, here.  

We are joyful for each of them.  Truly we are.  But there is a grieving here.  Things are different.  They were part of each day for each of us, and so it is not just Mark and I , but each of the kids walking through the loss.  We understand that they are not lost to us and we are grateful that we can communicate with them - but there is a loss in our everyday lives.  

So some days, to me, feel like doing life with parts of my heart lopped off.  Some days feel like trudging through deep mud and muck without some of my best friends in the world.  And so probably that is not the best time to update you about life in Honduras!  

Normal life continues on.   We have some kiddos in puberty and that with the hurts of their past have been a challenge.  We have some kiddos struggling with not falling to temptations.  We have some kiddos feeling alone and not believing that they have a future.  Every day we face challenges that seem so beyond us and we feel inept to handle.  And every day I know that God is able, that God is my strength, and that in Him the impossible is possible.  

On a lighter note, we hired someone to help clean the house and it took her 8 hours to clean our kitchen drawers and pantry.  What does that tell you?  Trust me, it has nothing to do with her lack of effort or industry.  We were just that behind.  

And then on a beautiful note; last week I was in the store, De Todo (though it did not have one thing I was looking for), and I was drawn to the most beautiful plastic box of markers.  He is our light and our color.  He brings beauty and restoration to every part of our souls.  No one else does this.  He does.  He gives life and beauty to my heart and to yours.  He is the creator and I love Him.  

Thankful that a group of women listened to my heart's cry yesterday and that I could share today.  
He is so very faithful and real, 



Replies to this message
re: Right, we have been silent.  by Cyndi Stephens on Friday October 09, 2015
     re: Right, we have been silent.  by Paula on Monday October 19, 2015

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